Tellings of the third G

7 months, what a rollercoaster!

I’ve been avoiding writing this, I’ve had the desire to but didn’t want to hurt the person it refers to despite the hurt she has caused me.  It seems, however, that as of today there’s little chance she’ll see this given that she seems to have unfriended and blocked me on Facebook, something I considered doing but didn’t as I thought some semblance of friendship could be salvageable.  I realize now that this was an untenable and unwise expectation.  I’m still going to omit names as I really don’t want to hurt anyone, most reading this know who I’m referring to anyway (if anyone comments please don’t mention her name)  Anyway, to the story.

Back in the summer I met someone, we’d met in passing a couple of times before and I had found her physically attractive but never had a chance to get to know her so I figured it was just that, a passing attraction that would go nowhere (we men encounter this thousands of times a month!)  Through a confluence of events I ended up in a situation where we were working together, in this situation we got to know one another, became friendly and started talking quite a lot, mostly via text message.  It was clear that there was a mutual attraction there but she was going through some stuff so we agreed to hang out and just see where things went.  I’m a patient guy so I was fine with that, merely being around her was an enjoyable experience so I decided that if there was a potential for a relationship I could stick it out, be supportive and wait for the right time.  I’m not going to detail the entire time that this went on but it was a few months during which I continued to be patient, never really applied pressure for things to move any faster and continued to fall, foolishly, in love with this girl. 

She had told me that her heart was in two places so I knew that there was potential for failure and heartbreak but being a hopeless optimist I foresaw success, after what she had told me about the other guy I figured there was no way she would go back to him given the fact that all I had ever shown was conditionless affection and support.  I am VERY well aware of my many faults but I am convinced that I am good at treating people I care for in a way that demonstrates how I feel.  I think (hope) I’m a good person and am good at showing love.  Alas, as you may have guessed if you don’t know the situation, this is not how things worked out.  It was a warm night in Salt Lake, I was just about to leave for the evening, most of us had parked in the same sort of area, she was parked behind me and giving a friend a ride home.  The friend got in the car and I knew what I was in for.  Heart smashed to pieces.

What followed were several pretty dark weeks.  I am not inclined to depression, never have been, but had I not had the support of some truly amazing friends during this period (it was a confluence of bad events, this was just the final straw, like the one reason I had for hoping for a better day tomorrow was taken away) I truly believe that I might not be here.  I’m sorry if that’s shocking to anyone but I am not being over dramatic, those thoughts really did occupy my mind.  It took time but I started to feel a little better about it, having to see her for a few weeks after did not help but I had made a commitment to something that required it so I was going to see it through, and I did. 

I isolated myself from her for about a month, getting the occasional update through mutual friends.  That’s when I started hearing that all was not well in her newly rekindled relationship.  Then, barely a week later, I heard it was over and not by her choice.  I was furious with the guy, I’d met him in passing once (that was an horrific night for me) and if I had his address that night I would have gone for a visit (not a violent man by nature but please don’t mess with those I care for)  I don’t know, on reflection, why I felt this way.  It seems that the normal (expected is probably a better word) reaction would have been to be gleeful that she had experienced what she had inflicted upon me.  I just couldn’t do it, I am not programmed to go from love to hate in an instant and it had barely been a month since the woman I saw serious potential with had devastated me, it was fresh, I remembered how it felt and had nothing but empathy for her.  I saw her the following week due to me needing to fill-in for someone and could tell she was devastated, we hugged, I told her I was there if she needed support.  In the following month or so we exchanged a couple of texts but I generally gave her space to heal.

This brings us up to approximately six weeks ago, I had a job interview, a great opportunity and I was a little nervous.  It was my first interview in the US since I went to Nebraska in 2005 and faced a 14 person panel at Western Nebraska Community College (quite the experience!) I had been talking about her with a friend over the weekend and we agreed that it was time to get back in touch as, at that point, I really did still want to be with her.  So I shot her a text, nothing heavy just asking how she was.  This lead to us meeting up before my interview, we were both happy to see one another and spent an hour or so together before I had to get to my interview, she asked me to come to something related to our past association (where we’d met) that evening and I gladly went along.  After, in pretty much the very same spot she had so devastated me just a few months prior, we embraced, agreed we had missed one another, made plans to hang out etc  Life was good again, I thought, I had another chance and this time there was no lingering ex in the picture. 

Boy was I wrong.  In just a few weeks (three maybe) we had gone from affection and plans to spend time together to her lying to me to avoid saying she wasn’t interested.  Why did I let this happen again, why was I so foolish to think that by simply showing someone unconditional affection and support that they would realize the immense value I saw in them was real? I had been warned, a very close friend told me that she had broken hearts in the past, I believed him now.  Mine had been broken twice in less than six months.  I had prepared myself for this potential outcome and put on a brave face initially then came the twisting of the knife.

Barely a month had passed, possibly even three weeks.  This brings us to last Friday night.  I had a great evening of entertainment and enjoyment with my very best and closest friends (one was away for the Christmas season, missed her being there for sure) when I notice that she was there.  At first I just avoided her, I had told her that I wanted to maintain some distance for a while, in my mind a while is more than a few weeks.  I beat a hasty escape to the usual hang out in hopes she would leave as she’s never hung out with us in that venue before. No such luck.  I am then told, you will not believe this, that there is something else going on.  I am told that, bearing in mind this is just a few weeks since she had (for the second time) broken my heart, that she and one of my very closest friends, a friend who had helped me get over her the first time, were mutually attracted to one another. World falls apart.  Could this be some malicious, Machiavellian plot to hurt me on her part?  No, I don’t think so (or at the very least hope not) I think that she is merely a lost and, moreover, extremely reckless individual.  She most likely thinks I have no right to be hurt at this turn of events and that I have no right to stand in their way, I actually agree with the second one.  The thing is that I don’t think I could maintain friendships with either one of them were they to pursue a relationship.  To be entirely fair to my friend he approached me like a man and said that nothing would happen unless I felt comfortable with it and I want to but I don’t think I’m able.  The venue in which he and I became friends is one I find enormously important in my life, it’s an escape from the outside world twice a week, a place I can let off steam, have fun with the people I am closest to and rely upon and if this were to progress she would likely be there.  It sounds selfish (and maybe it is) but I really don’t want that to be taken away from me by someone who has hurt me so badly.

I feel as if I’m on the brink of something really good happening, what other reason could there be for me having been so challenged in the last half year?  I have the potential for an amazing job and so many awesome people in my life who care about me and about whom I care an unquantifiable amount.  That’s how I want to close, by thanking the people who have been there and supported me through all of this, I made some really dumb choices (the blinders are now off, I assure you!) and you were there to support me throughout.  I love you all more than I can adequately express with my limited vocabulary.

An essay from 2003

While poking through an old had drive I found the following essay I wrote back in 2003.  It details the experience I had during a radio project I took part in when I was 15/16.  It bought back a whole load of memories!  (pasted verbatim, no corrections or cleanup!) Click the “Read More” button to read the essay.

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Youth FM – My Experience 

Introduction

In the following essay I will explain my experiences with the Youth FM project between October 1999 and February 2001.  Firstly I will explain exactly what the project was and how I came to be involved with it.  I will describe how this project served as a stepping stone in my search for the career I wish to follow and how it was a learning experience that gave me countless new skills and endless memories.

October 1999

The recruiting evening was a slightly nervous experience for me.  I was surrounded by people I didn’t know in a place that I had never been to about to embark on an experience that I would remember for the rest of my life.  After a short interview we watched a video explaining what the project was all about.  It described that a small team of professional broadcasters would be traveling around the UK throughout the year 2000.  It began its journey at the centerpiece of the governments’ millennium celebrations; the millennium dome in London.  It would then travel around the nation on a whistle-stop tour of most of the major cities.  Second on the list was Birmingham, the second city.  This is where our group came in.  We would be the volunteer broadcasters for the Birmingham leg of the tour.  This entailed a two and a half week continuous broadcast from a trailer in a city square in Birmingham.  This was to be preceded by an intensive training course that would cram all the knowledge of professional broadcast radio into a bunch of very keen but very green kids (the youngest person there was me: 15 all the way through to slightly more experienced 19 year olds).  The recruiting session ended with all but two of the hopefuls being accepted onto the project.

The next week a residential training weekend was to take place at the Aston University Business center.  I was scared at the prospect of spending the weekend with a bunch of people that I had only met last week, but I felt it was an experience that had to be endured if I was to make a success of this endeavor.  The first day we met Andrew Cummings, a youth worker from Youth Clubs UK.  Initially we sat around in a group and discussed what we wanted out of the weekend and Andrew informed us of what activities would take place.  Then followed a succession of what I deemed to be meaningless activities such as the “ball game” which involves every member of the group touching the ball in the quickest possible time, “easy” we thought until Andrew told us that the London group had managed it in just 0.5 seconds.  After about four hours of 3 – 4 second times and loud ‘discussions’ about how to do it the quickest we finally managed to out do the London team by doing it in just 0.4 seconds (There is a rather large rivalry between Birmingham and London).  Little did I know but these activities drew us together as a team and helped me to see people from other backgrounds and cultures in a totally new way.  I became firm friends with Leon (who quite frankly scared me when I first saw him), who I never would have thought I would have something in common with but I did and this really helped me to move away from the petty stereo-types that I didn’t even know I held.  On the second day we were given a slightly more complicated task that involved us splitting into smaller groups and working on a short dramatized piece that depicted people with issues of family.  In my group we talked about how we could do it using a family situation where we all sat on the couch watching TV and arguing over something as simple as which station we should watch.  I thought, being a real fan of comedy, that we should do a parody of Jerry Springer.  The rest of the group (although I had no say in it) decided that I would play the inimitable character myself.  The performance was a huge success although I think my slightly camp, Jewish, New York accent floundered a little towards the end.  The day ended with a final written brainstorming exercise that evaluated the weekend’s activities and showed just how important they are in the construction of a successful team.  I think that this weekend really shows how people from so many different backgrounds both ethnic and cultural can come together and make an effective team despite all of the differences in opinion and standpoint.  For example I am from a reasonably traditional white British family, my opinions differ severely to those of someone from a Pakistani, Caribbean or even Irish background yet in modern society people who just 50 – 60 years ago would not even speak can work as we are, equal.

 32 Weeks in 8 Days

The remainder of the training took place over 8 full days every other week.  The curriculum was based on that of an NVQ (National Vocational Qualification) in Radio broadcast.  This course normally takes place over 32 weeks full-time.  We had just 8 days available to cover; Broadcast Law, Writing for Radio, Radio Ethics, News Presentation, Technical Operation, Presentation Skills, Interview Techniques, ‘vox pops’ and plan and produce a 15 minute simulated broadcast.  This was a real challenge that was (for a 15 year old still at High school) a struggle to fit in (not to mention the fact that I was also, at the time, involved in a student-run production of a devised Sherlock Holmes play at school).  For the simulated broadcast we were again split into the groups that we were in for the residential weekend.  We decided to produce a ‘magazine’ show that included all of the elements of a professional, albeit shorter, radio broadcast.  We called this show ‘Urban Vibes’ and throughout the eight weeks we all took roles in the show and worked together to produce the best show possible.  I took the role of producer giving me overall control for the smooth running of the show.  We were given one chance to perform the show as if it was a live broadcast going out across Europe and the rest of the world.  The show consisted of several segments including a report on what Ramadan meant to members of the local Muslim community, what the African/Caribbean community thought of the idea of an area being designated solely for them and whether they thought that this would just compact the issue of segregation even more, I did a run-down of the latest music charts and we played excerpts from some popular tunes of the week.

A few weeks later we met with Daniel, the station manager for Youth FM who was employed by Milestone Pictures, the company chosen to provide the technical and logistical service for the project.  We met in a local community center called ‘The Drum’ and reviewed the previous weeks’ work.  I was extremely pleased when he announced that the people back at Milestone (including the professional broadcasters) had liked our production the most and gave us huge praise for the continuous movement and constant freshness of the show.  Afterwards we were told that each of us would be able to audition for the chance of producing our own show.  I made a tape and gave it to one of the producers Matt.  We then had a two week break before the broadcast began.

The Broadcast.

The week before we started the two and a half week broadcast we were assigned to the team of one of the professional broadcasters.  I was assigned to Fraser Thompson’s team.  His show went-out between 2pm and 5pm.  I was responsible for several items on the show including the ‘experience’ segment, in which we would do a telephone interview with people from different parts of the broadcast media including news, entertainment and several others.  Arranging this segment involved me telephoning these people and persuading them to do a short interview.  I was also responsible for email and phone messages and a short comedy item called the ‘Neighbors spoiler’ this involved reading out the plot of the long-running daily Australian soap-opera which started just a half hour after our show ended, thus spoiling it for all people listening!

We completed our first week of shows with little incident and great enjoyment, but the weekend was when we were given our own shows to perform.  On Thursday evening I received a call from Vida Harrison (local liaison for Milestone pictures) asking me whether I wanted to present my own show primetime 6pm – 7pm on Saturday night.  I was amazed at this opportunity that I had been presented with.  Then I realized that in two days I would be broadcasting live on FM Radio to Birmingham, on Sky Digital TV channel 935 to the whole of Europe and to homes around the world via the internet.  Needless to say I was apprehensive that my first ever solo radio broadcast would be to such a large audience but I was also immensely excited.

This project was billed as an opportunity for regular kids to get on radio and put a unique message out to the listening public (Youth FM was the most listened to radio station on the Sky Digital platform in 2000) and to bring to the commercial radio arena something outside of the popular music arena.  I wanted to show people that there is more to music than the top 40 and I hope I got through to a few people.  I decided that I was going to play the kind of music that I like and not dumb it down by playing only records that people had heard of.  As I was preparing my play list for the first show I was getting more and more excited about the prospect of sharing my musical tastes with the world.  Finally the day came.

I can honestly say that the first five minutes of the broadcast were absolutely terrifying but all of the knowledge from the previous few weeks of training held together (somehow) and I played in the news at the top of the hour with just two seconds of dead air (that’s good for a first-timer!).  The first show was pretty much constant music and I wanted to diversify somewhat in the second week so I bought in my friend from another show that I worked on (The Wooly Mammoth Lunchtime Bonanza) James Cartwright.  I did a short interview with James and then continued the music.  I was very pleased to receive the praise of some of the professional broadcasters on my style and the smoothness of my show.  The last of my shows was very similar to the second one and went off without a hitch.  I was rather sad when the final broadcast was made as it had been such fun and a great experience that I didn’t want it to end, little did I know it was just the beginning.

What it Led to

A few weeks after the end of the broadcast I was contacted by the youth worker for the Birmingham group Suzanne Ajame-Singh with an opportunity to become a peer educator for a similar local radio project based in Walsall (in the West Midlands) which involved young people from disadvantaged backgrounds (e.g. ethnic minority groups and ‘working class’).  The project involved helping a small group of youth workers to set-up a studio with very little funds and to develop an identity for the station while adhering to the local council’s (who were funding the project) guidelines for content and image.  I had the idea of calling it ‘Planet Radio’; unfortunately the council rejected this idea as “Too commercial!” and decided to go with WCRP (Walsall Community Radio Project) not quite as catchy but certainly functional.  After the initial three meetings it was time for a recruitment day at a local school.  We ran workshops similar to those that I attended during my training for Youth FM.  I was assigned a group of about 7-8 people and I had to run each of the workshops for that group.  The workshops included: Radio Etiquette, Writing for Radio and Interview Technique.  It was a very tiring but valuable day that taught me a lot about teachers and what they have to go through (I respected them a whole lot more after just a few hours dealing with my group!).  This, for me, was an invaluable experience that helped me understand what youth workers, teachers and parents go through every day and I realized that these people are extremely brave to be dealing with young people in such a calm way.  Having said that I believe that the young people got a lot out of the day also, and about 15 of the 20 that attended that day went on to broadcast in the final project.

A few months after that I was contacted by Youth FM again and was asked to take part in the recording of some corporate programs for ‘Fanta’ called the ‘Fanta house’ programs.  I went to a small place called Hermitage in Berkshire to record these programs; it was a very different experience to that of the live broadcast.  It was, however, an enjoyable experience that I learnt a lot from.

What I got From the Experience

The main thing I got from the experience was that I want to pursue a career in the media (specifically Fox News) but in a more behind the scenes way whether it be design, production or even research.  I believe that I have gained countless skills from this experience and have memories of great times that I will never forget.  I think the most valuable lesson that I have been taught from this is that no matter where you come from you can succeed and you can achieve your dreams.  I found that many people who I did not believe to be taking the project seriously were in fact using the blasé front as a mechanism to hide the fact that they were doing the work in their own time and using these newly acquired skills in their own way.  Every part of this experience was valuable from the first recruitment day to the final recording session I can point out no moment where I can honestly say I could have been doing something more productive and that is what I am so grateful for, the ability to recognize the value in all experience, no matter how challenging or difficult it may seem.

Gerard Howells 01/06/2003.

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The Highest Degree of Difficulty

G3 note: This turned in to a long one, just so you know!

A while back I came to the realization that in many areas of my life I have chosen a path with a high degree of difficulty, choices that require me to go through tough trials or learn things that others consider either difficult or, admittedly, uninteresting.  I started to notice this when I had a little internal audit of my life and where I was going.  This was back when I was working at CCL, writing a script that extracted viewed locations cached in a file stored on ones computer when they use Google Earth.  I had finally gotten it to output a nice-looking HTML report with coordinates, links to Google Maps and a whole bunch of other data, I was listening to my favorite band (Dragonforce) and checking my appointment date at the US embassy for my visa interview.  It was at this point that it dawned on me, I had chosen a career that required not only technical understanding but also analytical and creative skills.  I had chosen a type of music that I wish to emulate that requires virtuoso skills on multiple instruments (still far from achieving that goal!) and the most difficult country to emigrate to.  I have not consistently chosen the toughest path and it’s certainly not a masochistic tendency, as those who know me will testify to, I enjoy the finer things in life.  I guess it comes from a sense of being able to achieve anything that was imbued in me when I was younger.

Read More

Challenges

Let me preface this post by saying that in the last couple of years I’ve done my best to become a less profane person.  That being said I feel that the way my head is right now that may be on pause during the following.  Many of you may think less of me for this, those who don’t probably know me better.  Just know I don’t mean to offend.

I’ve never been a depressive person, I’m an optimist by nature although I do have an edge to me sometimes, something that those around me right now are now doubt well aware of.  I admit that I’ve been sensitive and quick to annoy in the last week or so especially.  Recent events have lead me to a place where I have felt like I’m at rock bottom, I want to say that this is not due to any one event but more to a confluence of events, the latest of which really was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.  Objectively I can see how my problems may seem minimal to those on the outside but I think that nobody can gain full insight into what another person is going through and I’m really thankful for friends who recognize this and don’t immediately go in to problem solving but are just there and offer a shoulder to cry on (something I’ve needed over the last few days) and a kindly ear.  Dang that was a long sentence!

So I kind of feel like I’ve been walking through a shit storm of biblical proportions and breaking it down I can categorize the problems into the following categories:

1. Finances.  I currently am not legally permitted to work where I live.  I’m used to providing for myself.  Before I came to the US I had worked in professional computing for nearly 10 years, making good money for most of the time.

2. Vocation.  Related to the above but I have come to the conclusion that I’m more comfortable working than I am studying.  This kind of sucks given the fact that my main job right now is studying.  I am, though, glad to have come to this conclusion as it gives me the ability to focus.  I know that the world says that you can’t get anywhere without a degree but thankfully in my industry and specifically in my area of specialty experience is what counts and boy do I have that!

3. Sleep, relaxation and personal time.  I am used to getting a decent amount of sleep.  I’m not used to being a late night person but many of the things that happen late at night (specifically Fridays and Saturdays) are some of the highlights of my week.  I honestly don’t look forward to anything more during the week than Village Inn with the post-improv crew.  Rick Rea’s magic shows, Rachel Shull’s made-up songs with nonsensical lyrics, Kaylee Casey’s announcements about her changing her major, throwing Apple Cinnamon jelly packs at Austin Stephenson and seeing way too much of Brandon Garside and Cameron Kapetanov’s bellies.  These are a few things I love about late night fun but damn the lost sleep has an effect.  Talking to my mother helped me realize this but I also have missed the copious amounts of personal time that I used to have to myself where I would read, write, make music, play video games, fiddle with computers and software and learn about weird obscure subjects through the university of wikipedia (no tuition due!)

4. Relationships.  Man, this is a tough one.  I am going to be super honest right now and I’m sure it’ll be no shock to most but I’m not super experienced when it comes to romantic endeavors.  I’m a deeply emotional person but I’ve been crippled by fear and rejection (and fear of rejection!) in the past.  It has always seemed that I have a tendency to over-invest in fledgling relationships, I’ve done my best to abate this behavior without success.  Quite frankly I blame Hollywood for giving me unrealistic expectations! Just kidding I blame nobody but myself for this behavior.  I endeavor to do my best to be there for the people I care about and am interested in, I am often very honest and open about who I am as I made a decision a while back that pretending to be someone you’re not in an attempt to get someone you like to like you is a foolish move that stinks of short termism and will likely lead to misery and unhappiness in the long term.  Recently I really did think I had found someone with whom I could potentially build a future, it didn’t work out and I recognize that this happens in life and I need to move on but it’s not easy when you care about someone and they choose someone else.  I think that the fact that the hope and vision I had for the future with that person was taken away at a time when all of the above was going on is what lead me to the dark place I’ve found myself in.  That being said it wasn’t purely due to this event, it was just bad timing, the crap flavored cherry on the vomit cake if you will.

I am not an unhappy person, I am just going through a down period right now a lull in Rick’s words that I want to get through.  I recognize that it’s a trial and that I’m probably being challenged for a reason it’s just hard to maintain perspective when you can’t see the forest for the trees.  I do my best to maintain an eternal perspective but it’s not easy, I am just so thankful for friends and family around me to help me through this unexpected period in my life.

365 Days of Red, White and Blue!

Today marks the anniversary of my arrival in the USA.  Quite frankly life has never been better.  People did tell me that I was suffering from a case of grass appearing to be greener on the other side syndrome but I think that the fact that my life has exponentially improved has borne that out to be false.  I may be financially worse off but money does not directly relate to quality of life.  Now I’m not saying I don’t want financial security or prosperity, it certainly helps!  The truth is that it is relationships and every day experience that makes life what it is and I am more wealthy in that respect than I have ever been.  I am surrounded by people who are caring, loving and accepting of me, even with all my flaws and faults.  The thing I value most about my life here in the US is that I can be who I really am; an overly sentimental, gooberish optimist who makes bad jokes and really doesn’t care how bad they are, and I’m not judged for it or if I am I get loving crap for it rather than mean spirited judgment as I tended to face back in the UK.  I think it speaks to the founding values of this country that you are allowed to be an individual and although there are social norms, difference is accepted.

My experience is by no means unique but I think it is interesting that you can be raised in a society that has values and cultures that you don’t necessarily identify with and maintain those you do identify with.  I’m just glad that I’ve found a place where those values fit, it’s tiring being in the minority and constantly on the defensive as far as beliefs and principles are concerned.  Being part of the majority for once in my life has felt great, I’m not keen on having to constantly defend my values nor have others feel challenged simply because I have different opinions than they do.  I do enjoy talking about the big things in life; existence, politics, philosophy etc. But I am happy to let people have their opinions even if they are radically opposed to mine so long as they afford me the same courtesy.  This is something that is more done in the US than in the UK, it’s not perfectly adhered to here but what is anywhere?  The US is not perfect but nowhere is and my values match more perfectly here than anywhere else I’ve been.  The focus on optimism that is weaved throughout society, focusing on the positive over the negative on the whole is what I love the most.  I don’t feel, as many in my former country do, that positivity and optimism is unrealistic and easy, in fact I think quite the opposite.  It is the lazy, cowardly persons choice to focus on the negative and assume everything will turn out badly, failure requires inaction, the worst result only requires we stand by and allow our low expectations to be fulfilled.  Optimism requires action, intellectual fortitude and the willingness to carry on even if and when you fail.  Failure is temporary, not a permanent state and it can be overcome with a healthy dose of action, a perfect brightness of spirit and an eye to the future.  If you think this is false, feel free, it just leaves more room for success and happiness for those of us who choose to see the good wherever we can.

Musings 1 - Life, humanity, perception etc.

Most who know me know that I love to ponder, muse and babble about the eternal verities and philosophical theories of existence in general.  Recently I’ve begun to ponder on the harmful nature of a prevalent trend in every day social interaction and analysis about our world and its state.  It is, seemingly, common nature to endeavor to reduce complex situations, theories, systems and frankly anything to simple, explainable and therefore understandable descriptions.  This kind of reductiveness often, in my opinion, leads to misunderstanding or, even worse, misinformation. 

My observance is that there are many things in life that are just complicated and require detailed explanation using multiple descriptives and use of analogy.  Maybe this is because I have pursued technology as a career and as the use of such technology has become more widespread an increasing array of non-technical people are exposed to ever-developing, increasingly complex devices and systems that produce results without them knowing how.  This is nothing new, I am sure that the vast majority of the vehicle-owning public has no idea, or desire to discover how their car works.  All they need to know is that it conveys them from point “x” to point “y” conveniently.  And that’s absolutely fine, the technically interested have a desire to learn how such systems work while the non-technically interested don’t, nothing wrong with that.  Where I see issues are where complex issues of social interaction and human behavior are reduced down to what are perceived by one person or group as their building blocks and compartmentalized like elements in the periodic table as hard and fast groupings and/or rules of human behavior.  To do this is, from where I stand, short-sighted, misinformed and, yes, dangerous.  Human behavior does not follow set paths and solid rules.  We are an unpredictable and unquantifiable enigma, I like to use the phrase “human’s are not consistent” (an admittedly reductive turn of phrase but one that intends to leave you less certain than you were rather than the other way around!) and yet we have a desire, at least a good portion of us do, to group, quantify, align and categorize the world around us. 

It is unsurprising perhaps that we turned the same techniques on ourselves and how we work as the ones used to discover the physical and material world that surrounds us.  This is roughly equivalent to using a pick axe you have just used to erode a mountainside with the same force and vigor to neatly cut a slice of birthday cake.  The results are not going to be good and yet a certain side of the social science community continues to use the pick axe and claim the resultant mess of randomly distributed frosting and crying children is scientifically valid because they have used a technique proven over generations to get results.  This admittedly tortured analogy refers to the application of logical positivism in the realm of the social sciences.  You will, undoubtedly, have seen its results throughout society neatly compartmentalizing sections of our society into neat, immutable boxes that satisfy their dogmatic methodologies and produce, in my opinion, completely worthless but provable (by their methods) results.  The opposite to a logical positivist approach is that of the constructivist, those who say that the universe, our perception of a universe, our very consciousness itself is merely a manifestation of our intelligence.  There is no provable way to say with certainty what I see is what you see because we may both say we see green as green but our eyes could be interpreting the wavelengths of light consistently in a different way.  This, while interesting to me, is somewhat of a cop out.  I think that the pragmatic approach to study of human behavior, perception and how we work in general needs to pragmatically find a middle ground between these two extremes and borrow techniques from each world to come to a more accurate assessment.  Notice that I didn’t use the word “truth” when describing the conclusion. I believe (and this is my constructivist side speaking!) that humanity is ultimately so complex that boiling it down to any kind of universal truth is actually impossible for our limited minds to handle.  I think that the best we can get is a collection of theories that those of us interested in how and why we do what we do can learn and draw from.  Humans are flawed, inconsistent, infinitely complex and varying entities that cannot be reduced down to buzzwords or phrases that imply a type of certainty rather they can be described as being fundamentally uncertain and immeasurable.  This is why I love life, there is so much to learn even about ourselves that we can spend an entire lifetime pursuing it and still barely scratch the surface. 

Finally I’ll leave you with another tortured analogy intended to illustrate exactly why reductivism in social science is pointless and, in fact, dangerous.  Imagine a lake teeming with life; plants, fish, bacteria, amphibians and the like.  The best way to study it is through observation, taking samples and spending time documenting its infinitely diverse and complex, ever-changing state.  If we apply the reductive approach as it is applied to human behavior we would take a sample of everything in the lake, put them into individual boxes and claim that we had an entire truth of how the lake worked and operated by describing its component parts.  All of the fish in one pile, all of the plants in another pile with no regard to the whole and how the component parts themselves actually combined to create a separate, beautiful whole.